| if anyone still read this, find me on facebook. thats where my poems are anyway. i will probably delete it soon. not that i dont love you.
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| i declare war
on your smiles
though in the past
i've claimed to be a pacifist
that's one more truth
you've made me quit
so i declare war
i will fight to the death
every inch of your height
all that i loved in you
will have to be ammunition
i declare war
and don't you dare fight back
the time is past for that
i surrendered arms every morning
and slept alone every night
you never bothered to care
even when my eyes told the casualties
i declare war
and i wish you weren't so weak
if you had felt an ounce
of what i carried around for you
you'd be sure to explode
you could never hold the weight
of these thousand virtues
these heavy vows
i declare war
on my romantic heart
it has been working against me
these long years
i'm embarrassed how easily
it waves its white flag
and its lost so much blood
i keep thinking
someone
someone will come
someone knows i'm wounded
help is on its way
but there is no handsome man
to drag me off this red ground
it my have to be
someone
who's bled as much
felt as much
maybe loved as much
there is such a man
they say
but i scarce have seen his face
i'm going to find him now
because there is no peace
in waiting for your call |
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| listen.
please just please love me
i know you kind of do
it could be fun to grow up
and act like grown ups too
besides.
i'm really kind of pretty
if you tilt your head to the side
and the lightings just right
please just please love me
what else have you got to do?
if you like my hair short
i just cut it all off anyway
and if you liked it long
baby i'll grow it right back
i know you love the way i talk
i can speak up if you like
but if you want the quiet type
i can shut up anytime.
please just please love me
i promise to be good
or i also could be real bad
you'll just have to tell me
what you think you're gonna need.
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| i enjoy making lists. because my thoughts are chaotic and i need structure.
right now, i am going to make a list of things i like about myself.
i think that it is difficult to believe that God loves me, if i dont even like myself. or think i'm valuable.
i think that self-loathing has little to do with humility. and, i want to like myself. so i can better preserve myself.
so. let's do this.
1. i have nice hair. but it tangles a lot. but its nice.
2. i am the perfect height for a female.
3. i am funny.
4. i am smart, in some regards.
5. i am tender hearted.
6. i am fun.
7. i have good style.
8. i write decent poems.
9. i am eloquent.
10. i can dance.
11. i am loyal.
12. i am romantic.
13. i am good with children. sometimes.
14. Jesus loves me.
welp. thats all.
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It was a gentle crescendo
leading up to inevitable heartache
how easy it was
to destroy a girl
it was soft laughter
and we accidentally often touched
so oblivious
creating a monster
and if I found
the lowest possible place to beg from
it would be right here
the depths of my knees buried beneath
your indifference
it was a silent defeat
you looked me in the eye as you destroyed
any chance I might
care for myself
I never meant to fall in love
and you still swear you never did
how mean you are
to make this a myth
but I still hear my laughter when you clear your throat
I still see gray in the clothes you wear
I find you say my words in all your jokes
you are more of me than you know
how you search my eyes for that light
so you know the world is as it should be
and you look for me in my patched up smile
hoping for some remnant of who we were
you are more of me than you know
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